Last year about this time I was praying with Ken about something big that we felt the Lord was about to bring into our lives. The only way I can describe the feeling was that I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff looking down into the unknown and preparing to jump. Whatever the Lord was bringing our awareness to was big, and a little bit risky.
In my naivety I thought it had something to do with getting pregnant with baby #3. In fact, the big change was a lot bigger than a baby, and way more life altering. God was preparing us for a big move which would not be fully revealed to us until later in February 2011. So we spent January with this gut feeling of something big was about to happen.
Now here we are in South Carolina at MorningStar Fellowship Church and I am 16 weeks pregnant and it is January again.
With the new year the feeling has returned. We are onto something big here. The last two sermons I've heard have nearly brought me to tears, even though I'm not sure why. I can't even say it is just pregnancy hormones either, because I haven't been crying at sad puppy commercials or sappy romance scenes. It isn't hormones, I just get this stirring in my heart that the Lord is about to do something big and Ken and I are going to be apart of it.
Even the sermons themselves talk of the weight of what the Lord is planning to do in 2012, not just at MorningStar, but to the Church in our nation and even world wide. Something is coming in 2012 and although no one is completely sure what it is or can put their finger on it yet and say 'aha!', we are all somehow trying to prepare for it.
Today as I sat through the sermon, I felt as though I was signing up for some part to play in a grand new endeavor, perhaps in some coming move of the Lord that would rock people and their comfort zones. Something that would challenge even the most faithful to seek for more of the Lord.
When I started feeling that stir several weeks ago my first thought was, "what part could I have to play as a stay at home mom?" and in some ways started to disqualify myself. The feeling won't go away though. I feel as though Ken will have some role to play that neither of us expected, but I also feel my role will be equally shocking and no less important. I hear Holy Spirit whispering that I can not even begin to imagine yet what the Lord is going to do with me; how He will use me in this coming year and it makes me so excited!
Excited, but at the same time terrified because I don't even know what I am saying yes to.
Overall though, I am excited. My new season of life is not constrained to motherhood alone, although that is a huge role that I take very serious. Yet I am not content to live as only a mom and wife, and hope for the day when I can move into a more exciting calling; my real calling. I can have that calling now! Even in small ways, using baby steps of obedience in the present, I can achieve the bigger things the Lord has for me. As long as I am willing to say yes and make certain sacrifices of myself and my comfort zone, He is willing to use me as His instrument now!
So use me Lord, and please keep stirring me to go harder and harder. Whatever is coming in 2012, I want to be ready and trained to do the part You've assigned to me!
How about you, readers? Feeling a stirring in 2012 that you can't explain?