I'll be honest, I use to really dread reading through the book of Romans. I like Paul, don't get me wrong, but that book was just hard to get. All that 'shall we do this, no!' stuff was really confusing to me. I finally asked Ken what it was all about - I'm good if I can look at the big picture first, then I can pick out the pieces as I find them and fit them into that big picture and it all makes more sense.
It is a love letter to the Gentile people, about how the Lord has extended His grace and mercy and even blinded the eyes of His beloved people to make a way for us (the Gentiles). He teaches about faith and a righteousness that leads to holiness.
It is really good, now that I get it all. Tonight, I prayed before I started reading it because I wanted to see the fullness of what is there. I'm telling you, you can't go wrong if you pray before reading scriptures. He always points out something that gets me all worked up. Well tonight it wasn't just one thing. It was the beautifully orchestrated history that led up to Christ dying for our sins. It was all the arguments that Paul makes for the power of faith and grace. It was like knowing you were looking at a big masterpiece, but for the first time stopping to look at all the fine details and have on 3-D glasses that make it all sort of jump out at you.
Wow. It was really that good tonight.
I've been having some of those moments lately. Where the Lord's power and sovereignty and beauty are just so real and tangible.
The other night while I was quilting (seriously I was sewing blocks together with my machine humming and drumming) while worshiping and I started singing a song that was pretty well known. Then I just started making up a love song to God.
I am not a singer, remember, I'm the girl who can barely clap and sing at the same time. My vocal range is horrid, and yet here I was sitting in my room singing out a song to God and I got to say, it wasn't half bad. At least all the lines made sense and my voice seemed to stay on key (I think).
It was just so beautiful though to sing and know that God was right there listening to me. He was hand feeding me the words, and I was singing them back to Him and I could feel His pleasure. How simple and yet so satisfying.
I know that is essentially what they do in the prayer room, but this was my first time leading the chorus in the privacy of my bedroom. It was exhilarating. I wish I could remember all the words that I was singing, but it was spontaneous, so I didn't write them down.
All I sort of remember was singing something about 'you take my mundane and make it beautiful and complete in you," or something like that at least. There was lots more, I just can't quite remember.
Again I sigh.
So why am I even writing about this? Because I know I am nothing special. If I can have these sorts of encounters, a mother of two who is home most of the time doing mommy sorts of things, then the rest of His people can have things like this too! You just have to want it and welcome it and put yourselves out there to receive it.
I tell you what too. Once you've had a few of these little tastes of His tangible goodness, you are gonna be hooked! I'm actually considering what and where I can meet with Him next because I'm so much more hungry for Him now that He's touched me just that little bit. First with the spontaneous song, and now with the scriptures coming alive.
I'm feeling prepared to go out of my way....like wake up on time so I can read tomorrow, or not take a nap so I can be with Him, or not check my facebook, so I can have my mind be more focused on the Spirit.
Those sorts of wild crazy ideas (or not so crazy).
I want to also point out that Ken and I are in a crazy season right now, when we are rather desperate for the Lord to lead and guide us in what He has called us to in South Carolina. We are stretched thin by all kinds of circumstances, and yet the Lord had been teaching us together and separately to just seek Him. He takes care of the rest. Our jobs are to love Him well and be obedient with what He has made clear to us. The rest is not for us to worry about.
As tough as it has been to trust and let go of worry (I'm a really good worrier, I pick up anxiety way too easily), the reward for when I do is little touches like this. He makes my weak attempts at obedience so satisfying that it makes it easier and easier to keep doing it (being obedient that is).
So that is all I wanted to say. Go for it, ask for a special and personal touch! I pray that He gives you more than you bargained for!
*Hope all I've said makes sense, sometimes when I'm feeling passionate about something I think faster than I can type and although I have proofed this twice, my way of writing can still be confusing when I'm feeling rather excited during the writing/reading process. It would probably be good to hold this until tomorrow, but ah, what the heck, I posted it anyways. :-)