Friday, January 20, 2012

I Just Want Love

I love, love, love listening to the Prayer Room in Kansas City. Maybe I am slightly bias since I lived there and was a part of the prayer movement in Kansas City for four and a half years, but I think it is more.
It is an outlet to encounter the Lord that is so easy and natural. I can listen and sing and pray along with others who are going hard after the Lord.
Most of what is prayed is scripture, and most of what is sung is scripture also. It isn't just a lot of pretty, well written songs; it is Holy Spirit inspired. A good portion of it is sung spontaneously in the prayer room with nothing but a chorus to guide the words that flow from the hearts of the musicians.
It is so beautiful and inspiring, and typically extremely prophetic.
Today is one of those days, where I just started listening to an Anna Blanc set. She could seriously be singing my own heart song back to me, it is so close to what I have been feeling and praying to the Lord. I could weep with the nearness of the Spirit at this very moment, but I felt compelled to share this with all of you also.
So I am furiously scrambling to put clear words down to try to convey the power of engaging with the Prayer Room, while still listening to the music flow into me as I type.
Here is a little taste of what she has been singing so far:

I just want Love
I just want You
I just want Love, knowing You

I just want treasure in heaven
This one thing that cannot be taken
I just want the gold of knowing You
Cause nothing else can stand the heat of Your gaze
When I see You Lord, face to face
I just want the gold of knowing You

And then later on, I caught a few of these snippets of words that reflect my prayers even more so...

Root out the things that do not bring You glory
Lord I surrender all I am to You
Search my heart
Make it Your own.

Just from what I've written, and my most recent post about leaving facebook should make it obvious that I am on a seeking journey. I am longing for a new and fresh touch from the Lord, and I feel as though I will die if I don't have it. People talk of hunger for the Lord. Well this is it, and there is no way to satisfy it any other way than to seek it out, and remove all the things that distract me.
Am I turning into a monk or some radical Christain who will no longer be able to carry on a 'normal' conversation? Perhaps for a season, but oh how I wish we all could feel Him and hunger after Him like this. It isn't always a long term feeling, this deep hungering. Hunger is a gift from the Lord, we don't automatically have it when we get saved. We don't automatically have it just because we love and serve Jesus. Just like loving the Word is not automatic when we get saved. It is a gift, and sometimes we have to ask for it first.
I've done nothing to bring this about except to ask for it, but now it is here and I can do nothing but respond and enjoy His pleasure toward me as I seek after more.
Overall, I wish I could say my response looked a lot like this post, full of passion and emotional connection with the Spirit, but it is actually hard to keep seeking. When I'm not 'feeling' Him it is particularly hard to keep seeking and doing the things that I know bring me closer to Him. All the time sacrifices though are worth it for these sweet glimpses of His love and beauty and to 'feel' His nearness. He is always near, that is truth, but to 'feel' it is always such a special moment. It is what I tuck away for the rainy days when I don't, it is what sustains me until the next touch.
So I'm afraid most of my posts coming up will be about this journey of my heart. I have not had such a burn in my heart like this for a while, and it feels so good, too good to keep to myself.
Perhaps if I share the joy I am finding in the Lord it will provoke those who are not 'feeling' Him to long for it, and therefore ask for it. Ask and you will receive! Really, really.
PS, if you want to listen to the Anna Blanc set, go to the Prayer Room and click on archives and then look for Anna Blanc, January 20th, 2012, the 12pm-2pm set. Probably what is called a Worship in the Word set. Enjoy.


lifeinthevillage said...

Beautiful my dear. I love it and am jealous for the hunger. Though I will say I have had it most like you are, in times of transition. Precious. :)

Jody Aldridge said...

This is the best thing you've ever written. What joy it brings to my heart to read and hear your passion and hunger for the Lord. Keep going, little girl! When your children grow up they will be the recipients of a beautiful legacy!!

abbie said...

I love this! I am feeling the hunger for more of Jesus too! I will have to listen to that set on the Prayer Room...