Friday, March 18, 2011

A Night of Embracing Weakness

In our community we are blessed with a ministry designed just to speak to moms. All ages and stages of women in mother-hood can come to these monthly meetings and be surrounded by other moms and worship together and then hear a message from a seasoned mom who has lived in the trenches. It is practical as well as spiritual and up lifting.
When we move it will be one of the things that I will miss a lot. Last night however, was one of the best messages I have ever heard. It was brought by Tracey Bickle who is our senior pastor's sister. She was talking about how as mothers, one of the best things we can do is manage our hearts correctly. She said if you don't pay attention to what is going on in your heart, and don't talk about the pains, disappointments, hope deferred, or loses that we have lived thru, then we are setting ourselves up. Our hearts long to talk about these things, but if we don't allow these things to come out, even in our quiet times with the Lord, then our hearts will talk when it is the least appropriate time.
Last night the Lord showed me that I was holding some sadness in my heart because I was afraid to let it out and look weak. He showed me it was okay to be sad to leave some of the people and things that I love behind in KC to move into His new story for us in SC. I could be excited and sad in the same moment, and it was okay. I was not weak, or an emotional sinfulness, or double-minded to have such feelings. That may sound simple or not be a revelation to you, but it was a real 'wow' to me last night.
He also showed me He was big enough to take the bulk of them from me, if I would just hand them over. It was a beautiful exchange in the end. I gave Him my fears, my sadness, my weakness, and He took it all and gave me peace. It was a tangible peace too. The kind that makes you sigh deep inside your heart, and your whole body feels relaxed, and you suddenly realize you've been wound tightly for so long, but now you are free. I could weep right now in just remembering how it felt.
After that release I was able to come home too, and share how I was feeling in a logical and calm manner and my husband was able to hear me, love me and offer encouragement. That is a new leaf for us, because me holding in emotions is not a new thing. Usually I wait until I can't hold them in any longer and then I just explode on my husband over nothing and shower him with an irrational torrent of pent up emotions. It doesn't end pretty when that happens. Trust me, it probably looks more like the displays my three year old is fond of these days; a lot of flailing and wailing.
So, take what you will from this post. It was more a way for me to get some more of my thoughts out than it was for you (my readers) to make sense of and try to apply.
I will say though, that for those of you in KC whom I'm close to, you may see me weep more often as I talk about moving; as the reality of what I am leaving behind hits me. I'm just thankful the transition is going to be short, only 6 more weeks and I will be in packing mode and too distracted to think of much else. For 6 weeks though, I will be able to look at all the people and places I love in KC and realize that it could be a really long time before I see them all again.
If you feel so inclined, you may weep with me.
PS, if they record the sessions from these monthly mom meetings, last nights was worth the effort to obtain. It spoke to every woman at every stage in life and was powerful and anointed to say the least. You can try to obtain a copy by emailing, or if I find a copy first, I will post a link.


abbie said...

The peace of the Lord is so amazing. I need to be better about sharing my heart with the Lord and others.

lifeinthevillage said...

I've wept. Just so you know. I didn't today, but not because I'm not sad. :( I want you guys to have the freedom and joy to obey the Lord- always. Even if it means leaving. We'll just be sad with you guys. Love to you all!