We played, we picked up and then it was time for lunch. I put Kalei to bed, she didn't sleep, so I laid with her for a bit. Kinsey wouldn't sleep either, so Ken took her for a walk. My house was peaceful and I was peaceful....on the inside. Nothing could ruffle my feathers, no circumstance could mess with me.
I know this peace, I remember the times I've felt it before. It is supernatural grace, and I love the way it makes me feel. I'm a better mom, wife, cook, housekeeper, friend, and daughter when I am feeling that overwhelming grace.
Like I said, nothing really ruffles my feathers when I'm feeling it.
Does that mean that I don't still have kids that bicker and fight, or that I suddenly love cleaning my floors or folding what feels like endless loads of laundry? No, it just means that I don't feel hopeless or without purpose when I'm dealing with all those things. It means I have this inner peace and I feel overwhelmingly connected to the Lord, so that everything I do, no matter how boring, feels as though it has been seen by Him personally (which is always the case, even when I don't feel His affectionate eye upon me).
We (as Christians) all know the scriptures that tell us that He is the God who sees, but there are those days where you KNOW He sees you, and so you are completely confident in all you are doing.....nothing ruffles your feathers.
Has anyone ever felt this way? I know I wish I felt this way more often, but it is usually just a passing gift, a reminder that what I'm doing is important.
Once you've experienced it though, you recognize it quicker the next time so you can savor every moment. I'll never forget the first time I noticed that I was feeling the supernatural grace. I just kept thinking to myself "I should be freaking out right now, but I feel so peaceful and calm" or I would think, "I should be offended at this, but I'm not, it's fine." It was a bizarre new reality for me.
So, I finished up my night with listening to some Josh Garrels music (Love & War & the Sea in Between), one of my favorite artists. It was then that I felt as though I was even more connected to the Lord. He was now more than the God who sees, He was the God who was listening to my heart sing to Him and He was more than just a friendly bystander, He was tangible in the room.
Just writing about this I feel as though I sound insane. I promise you though, this is how it felt, and I've been loving the Lord for a while now, so I know these things are genuinely true. He really is this personal when you seek Him for a relationship.
So I was just siting at my computer playing Spider Solitaire (not terribly spiritual) and singing Josh Garrels music to the Lord. The words were like a drink offering being poured out of my heart, and I felt like I was joined to an ancient Power (probably because I am) in a deeply personal way. (to draw a human type parallel, I would say it felt maybe like I had been commissioned by Donald Trump to paint a picture for him, but he came to my house to sit in my kitchen while I painted it....poor attempt, but I had to try and explain it further.)
Then it was time to go and so I grabbed the ipod, which I never do and drove to small group, still listening to Josh Garrels, this time the Jacaranda album. It kept up, the connection I mean. I was technically driving in the end of rush hour traffic, and yet I cruised down the back roads only driving the speed limit. The people behind me were probably upset, but I just couldn't rush it.
Small group was awesome.
But when I was back in the car with the ipod it was even enhanced by my time in small group (we had been talking about God given dreams and desires in our hearts). I rolled down the windows and let the wet rainy air come in while I lifted my voice even more. Kinsey was probably a bit puzzled as to why I was singing so loud to seemingly no one, but she is probably use to that by now. I sing a lot in the privacy of my own home, quite loudly.
Seriously though, this will be one of those music memories in my mind. There are a few of those memories that have stuck with me over the years. Probably the one that was the most powerful, ranking above this one even, was one I had as I flew into the Chicago O'hare airport from our New York City mission trip. It was a very cloudy day, so as we flew in over the Michigan lake, and there was this magnificent classical piece playing on the headphones. I love classical music.
Then we started to descend out of the clouds. At first all I could see were glimpses of the bluish green water below us, but all around us were clouds, then we came lower. Out the window I could see the forms of clouds near to us and farther off too, in layers that hid us, and then the water started to appear in bigger patches. The music was magical as I watched the water come more and more into view and the clouds began to drop away from us, and then we were out of them, and the thick clouds were a low ceiling above us and the water was an amazing expanse of greens and blues. Then as we banked toward the airport, I caught a glimpse of the city skyline in the haze after a thunderstorm. It was all so beautiful and surreal. All the while, the beautiful, ethereal music is playing in my headphones and I felt like I was a part of some heavenly realm for a moment. Or in some beautiful movie at least, where the music fits the breathtaking scenes being shown in slow motion.
I will never forget that music or the way it made me feel inside.
|Cumulus clouds, |
these are what we flew through.
Photo courtesy of NationalGeographic stockphotos.
It makes me want more and more of this Grace to come in and shine on me. It really is better than chocolate or caffeine combined.....
Side note: I think this kind of Grace is very much available to all people who love Christ, but I also know that I usually get it when I have been pressing in harder than normal. When I say pressing in, for me that looks like....praying in tongues a lot more than usual (maybe going from 5 min a day to 15 min a day), reading my Bible regularly and praying about what I've read, putting myself in places that I can receive sound Biblical teaching (more than just on Sundays), and worshiping in my home. I've also just recently added one day a week where I am trying to fast food. I'm not pregnant, so it is a good season to do so. I got to say, I'm not doing great at it, but the Lord sees my efforts and it all counts.
So just know that it isn't how good you can do all these things that awards you the Grace, it is just your effort in pursuing more of the Lord. He gives you more eventually, and it is always more than you expected. So keep pressing onward for the prize!
*disclaimer: All the things I do to press in are not on a daily basis. I am a busy mom, but when I do find time, I find it is easy to fall into time-waster tasks instead; like playing on the internet or watching a movie or sleeping. I have found that doing the things that don't come to me naturally when I have time, result in a touch from the Lord. Example: when I want to watch a movie, I've learned now that it could be better to watch the prayer room and crochet for a while. If I'm too tired to watch the prayer room, then I'm too tired to watch a movie. But don't get me wrong, I still watch plenty of movies, I just try to balance it with plenty of prayer room time also.