Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Making Me Believer pt 6

So I'm still working on my compassion, but the Lord has put me in my first real battle since that last post was written. Yes, yes, I know I just posted "Making Me Believe pt 5" at the end of December, but it has been written since around June. I like to write, then pray, and then when I feel it is ripe, I will post a thing.

Anyhow, so as I was saying, I feel as though I have been given my first real battle. I am thankful for all the training, but in the last six months, I feel as though I have learned nothing. I have been fighting and fighting and seeing almost no progress. The details aren't important, except that when you prepare to make a huge move with your whole family across the country it can stir a lot of things up.

So my first battle. I threw myself into it at full force. I was hopeful, I was energetic, I was prayerful and compassionate (most of the time), and zealous to prove myself strong.

But after the first few weeks of battling this thing, I had seen little to no progress. I was worn out and confused. I began to ask the Lord what I was missing, what I was doing wrong.

That is when He whispered, "You're a good sprinter, but this is an endurance race."

I threw back, "Well then how long am I going to have to fight this thing?"

He patiently posed the question, "What if it takes 6 months to a year to see any fruit for your fighting?"

Ugh. I didn't know what to say. I was honest enough with myself to know that I was not a good endurance runner, but this was an opportunity. A painful and tiring opportunity, and a divine opportunity.

So I said yes, and I have continued to say yes over the last six months of fighting this thing.

What I have learned over these last few months though.....

That when I am out of energy, and throw my hands up in despair, preparing for defeat, that is when some of the best mini-breakthroughs occur! In my weakness, that is when the Lord has come through and shown Himself strong and in control. He has been using other people to do it too!

It has been teaching me the truth about when we are weak, He is strong, and it is okay to ask for help. That is like a 'duh' basic Christianity truth, but I was fighting as if I could do it all by myself.

Yet I am not meant to be fighting this totally on my own. In the Kingdom, we are a family, and I am not self sufficient in all things. I never will be.

I draw strength and council and love from those people the Lord has placed around me.

So many times, in my weakest moments, I have had to turn to someone and share my burden with them. Then they, in turn, have encouraged me and spoken the truth over me. It breaks the despair and renews my strength to be in such company. It has also shown me a lack of trust I have had toward people.

The lie I had believed was that my burdens were too heavy for me, so no one else would want to help me carry them. Yet the Lord asked me, "Would you turn away a friend who needed love and encouragement and council?"

I said a quick "no," because I love to encourage and pray for my friends, but then He turned it back on me.

"So then, what makes you think that none of your friends would be willing to do that for you. Do you really think so little of yourself?"

The lie was two fold.....1) that I couldn't trust people to want to help me.....and 2) that if I just tried hard enough, I could do it on my own and show God how strong I really am.

The truth is that I do sometimes think that I'm not worth my friends time. I worry that if I bring a heavy burden to them, and ask them to help me, that they will be 'put out' by my neediness.

It is just NOT true though. Every time I have ever broken down and asked my friends for help, they have rallied around me like a troupe of feisty momma bears. Speaking love over me and praying passionate lovely prayers for my situations. But I never break down and ask for help until I'm totally desperate. I should NOT wait so long to ask.

Perhaps, if for no other reason, the Lord has allowed this current battle to drag on, to force me to have to reach out and ask for help again, and again, and again. Maybe I will learn it soon.

So recap of current lessons being learned - it takes a whole army to fight a battle, not just a lone ranger. Don't be fooled, we are in the body of Christ because we need one another to function properly.

What I am NOT saying - go find anyone who will listen to your sob story with no intention of going and working on the problems yourself.

I am also NOT saying - find just anyone to tell your burdens to!  You MUST seek out mature and trustworthy friends to ask for help. You don't want to call up a friend who is not good at keeping a confidence, or who looks at the world with a negative bent. Those friends will potentially make the situation worse.

The way I decide if people are trustworthy and good encouragers...... I listen to how they talk about other people and situations to me. If they talk hopefully about hard situations others are facing, that is a good sign. If they are gossipy and focused on the negative, they are not a good candidate for my candor. Do they pray often, do they talk about the things of the Lord often.....those are also good signs.

Be encouraged. Help is out there!

1 comment:

Deb Kemper said...

I love your journey! It's part of our gift from our Savior, don't despise the rough parts. Sometimes we are required to rest in Him. A hard lesson, that one.
I've been diagnosed with colon cancer, in the early stages. Waiting for the doctors to decide what to do has been hard but I see a surgeon on Monday. Hopefully he can arrest the deadlock the other three are in and we can move forward. We've waited 5 weeks for something to break but I KNEW it was in our Father's hands. He said so and the fact that I could even hear Him over my own whining was comfortable.He holds us in the palm of His hand, stroking our cares away. You're a good writer, little one. Let me know if you want to consider compiling your words into a devo.