Saturday, December 7, 2013

Making Me Believe pt3

I can say now I had no idea what I was really asking for at the time. I was just feeling bold from the prayer meetings and I felt lead to ask for what I thought would help me to be a better wife and mother in my home. Spiritual Authority.

It isn't like the Lord waves a wand and suddenly I know how to fight more effectively. It is training, and it takes time, and it is painful in some ways.
(new to this series, read the first two parts here and here)

Anything worth doing is usually hard and painful to accomplish.

So right away there is a major pause in the journey toward my new goal.

In the Women's Conference at MorningStar in November 2012, one of the speakers was talking about naive Christians who see big name speakers like Joyce Meyers and say things like, "I want to be like her" or "I wish I walked in that kind of authority". The speaker went on to admonish those 'immature' Christians for not knowing what they're asking for. They have no idea the price those speakers have had to pay for the authority they walk in now, or the price some of them are still paying.

Whoa! That caused the pause.

Did I even know what I was asking for? I certainly wasn't asking to be Joyce Meyers, but was I prepared to pay the price to attain what I was asking for. To whom much is given, much is required. Was I willing to pay the price? Did I even know what the price was? It took me two more months to answer that question. Until I could answer that question, my journey was at a standstill.

In that time of pause, I was really thinking hard about whether I had what it took to really go after this thing. Was I prepared to be under greater attack? Was I prepared for increased attack on my family, both near and far? The Lord gave me a picture during that time of a hornets nest being stirred up. As I became an effective tool in the hands of the Lord, the enemy would want to retaliate. Was I prepared for that? Battle is hard, tiresome, and there are casualties. Was I ready for all that?

Thankfully the Lord had already been preparing me, shoring up some of my weak places, through a series of unlikely circumstances (you can read about it here). The Lord had already been changing my appetites to help sanctify me for His further service. As one who wants to fight and be strong in the Lord, it was imperative for me to walk in a fresh level of purity and holiness.  

So, I guess I was more ready than I thought, but I still took a couple of months to really 'count the cost', which is wisdom, even according to scripture: Luke 14:28-35.

It was a very sobering time. The high that I had felt while praying out in the women's prayer meetings had subsided and I truly felt the weight of what I was asking for the Lord to train me in. For two months I played out worse-case scenarios in my mind, and at the end of each one, the Lord would ask me, is it worth that? I am thankful to report that I was able to say yes each time, although not always right away. I also had dreams in that time, and I can see now that they were also prepping me to be able to keep saying yes to the vision.

Finally, in December I was able to say yes in a closing sort of way. One of the things that the Lord pointed out to me that clinched my commitment to the goal, was when He showed me that if I wanted to live any kind of effective Christian life at all, the enemies attacks would come, whether I was properly trained to fight them or not. 

It is always the civilians who take the hardest hit in wars (in the natural), which is mostly women and children, who are left at home, living life as normal while the men are out fighting. The civilians are mostly untrained to be defensive for themselves. They are relying on the war not coming to them, but war is no respecter of persons. The enemy of our souls is the least merciful of all. No one is safe, not even at home.

I am not trying to be a pessimist, or use fear to make you feel the weight of what I am saying, I am trying to be a realist by pointing out that we really are a part of a Spiritual war. In this Spiritual war, there are those who are walking around vulnerable, like civilians. I was one of them for a long time (so no condemnation in my tone, just a sense of urgency), first by denying I was in a war, and then by relegating the fighting only to certain people (men, ministry leaders, pastors, missionaries).

When the Lord pointed that out, it was an eye opener to the obvious. There was no going back. I was living my life for the Lord, therefore attacks were inevitable, and so I had better learn to take the heat and learn to use my weapons of war effectively. We've all been given a sword and armor, but we have got to know how to use it!!!

If we are growing in the Lord, and the Lord is cultivating the fruits of the Spirit in our lives, then we are targets of the enemy. Period.

But again I say, to those much has been given, much is required. If you have never considered these things before now, then you are probably not being required by the Lord to steward them (yet). Until the Lord highlights a Truth to your heart and mind, you can not hope to effectively incorporate it into your life. Once He highlights a Truth to you though, then you are accountable on how you steward that information. Stewardship suggests an action is required.

Does that make sense?

So for me, the Lord highlighted my need for spiritual authority. First, I believe He made me want it. I began to ask for it. Then, He began to prepare me to actually receive training for the gift. Part of the preparation included stopping to count the cost.

Are you asking for something specific from the Lord? Have you considered what it might cost you to obtain the gift?

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