Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Making Me Believe

My first 60 degree day here in Arlington Texas. It was a wonderful surprise to wake up to. After a fun morning with the family though, all I wanted to do was come home, curl up and take a nap (after 90's and higher, 60's feel cold). Alas, though, it is a challenging thing to get the whole house quiet on a Saturday afternoon.

So, I heard Ken downstairs making coffee and thought a good cup of tea would do my heart good too.

What goes better with a warm cup of tea than writing a blog where I expose the things that have been burning on my heart to......the world.

Well, at least the small part of the world who reads my blog.

Lately I have been thinking about the transformation that I have been going through in the last year or so. I guess the transformation started somewhere around Harvest Fest (a big conference at MorningStar Ministries) last year, 2012. I had recently had a new baby, and with the burden of pregnancy behind me, I was eager to press into the Lord again. 

So that is just what I did, and I joined a women's intercession group at MorningStar to kick start my personal prayer times again. It was an intercession group of ladies who prayed about the women of MorningStar as well as the world.

In that place of corporate intercession with these ladies, quite quickly in fact, I began to feel stirred up by the Lord to pray out in the meetings. That was huge for me. I DO NOT LIKE praying in groups out loud. Yet, I would feel the Spirit so strongly on me, it was like I felt like I would explode if I didn't pray it out. Lines of a prayer would cycle through my mind over and over until I finally would pray it out loud. When I finally did open my mouth, the Lord would give me more. It would pour forth out of me like a river of thoughts and passionate cries. 

When I would be obedient and pray out, I would tremble and pray and when I finally finished and would sit back down, I would feel the Spirit just wash over and over me again and again, like waves, calming my nerves and soothing my fears. Sometimes I would 'tremble' under the Spirit for the entire meeting. Don't be weirded out by that like I was at first, it really is Biblical. 

Anyhow, I was always afraid to pray out loud. Terrified, in fact. And as soon as I was done, I would second guess everything I had just prayed. In those early months though, the Lord began to do something in my heart. He made me yearn for boldness, for authority, in prayer as well as in the rest of my life.

How many of you know when you feel yourself yearning for something so big, and so strong, and so crazy, and so seemingly far out of your reach (that is also a Biblical desire), it is often an invitation from the Lord to go on a journey with Him to get that thing for yourself?

That was the beginning of the journey. Praying out in the meetings, conquering a fear I had. What was the fear? Fear of man was probably a small part of it. It wasn't really that I was afraid to look stupid, though. 

It was more about not knowing who I was. I did not feel worthy to pray out loud in front of other "more seasoned" intercessors. Who was I to take up their time with my words, with what my heart was feeling. My heart cries were powerful to me, and the Lord, but I didn't think I had anything to offer anyone else. I was convinced that my offerings, in more areas than just this, were far too small and insignificant to offer openly in the corporate body of Christ.

I can see now what a lie that was! 

Learning that I have a voice, and that because I am a child of the Most High God, and He speaks to me, therefore I am qualified to have an opinion and I should have confidence to share that when I feel the Lord leading me to. That is where I started, and what began my journey to seeking out a God-given boldness, so that when I feel the Spirit moving, I can act on it with courage and confidence.

How many of you would like to operate in the body of Christ with some boldness? How many of you would like to believe the words the Lord says about you?

Boldness is a product of True identity.

I can see now, in hindsight, that the journey I have been on, was less about finding boldness in my public speaking skills, and more about learning who I truly am in the Lord. If we really know who we are, then we will move in the gifts that He has given to us with boldness and confidence.

I want to share with you some of those steps in my journey. Not as one who has attained it all and is now showing you the way, but as one who is still in the trenches of learning, but is further along than I was a year ago. I want to share it while it is still fresh, so I can paint as real of a picture as possible.

So stay tuned.....more coming on "Making Me Believe".

Photo by Biography Online 

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