You all knew it was coming. I can't be in the midst of tension and turmoil without feeling the need to write about it and the lessons I am learning in it.
Thankfully I have learned a lot of these lessons before, but with every new move, there are additional lessons to learn, and some relearning of old ones.
I found it comforting that when I talk to my mother recently about what I was feeling and doing to cope with the coming transition, she said it sounded an awful lot like what I said and felt right before our move from Kansas City to here.
I say it is comforting because I did that move two years ago, and I survived, but not only survived, I thrived! So if I am doing this again, and experiencing the same sorts of things, then I know I will more than survive this move too!
The Lord is merciful and full of compassion.......toward me and my family.
So what am I going to say. What great wisdom have I gleaned from this move so far. I'm gonna bullet point them for ya!
- movies are a cope out for me.....not everyone. Just me. Someone said recently, "Katrina you seem to go through phases, you don't watch any movies, and then you start watching them again, and then you are announcing that you aren't watching them again." It's true, I do go through phases. I cut out movies again whenever I notice I am using them for a coping mechanism. Like now. I was up to watching as many as two movies a day, and watching movies leaves me feeling numb. I am not a good mom when I am numb, and I find it extremely difficult to hear the Lord's voice when I watch a lot of movies. There you have it, it is one of my weaknesses, and therefore I manage it as such, but only for me.
- it's okay to be sad - this is one lesson I do remember from moving last time, and I have been so grateful for knowing it this time. I know it is okay to be sad, to miss what I am giving up for my obedience to the Lord. It doesn't change the yes in my heart, it just means that I am aware of what I am sacrificing for the adventure. I once asked the Lord why He keeps moving us, why He doesn't let us settle down for long. I heard Him whisper to me, "because I know you will say yes." In that, I understood it to mean that not everyone who loves Him is willing to be moved and shifted for the sake of His plans as easily as we are (and we aren't always that thrilled, but we do say yes and that apparently counts for something). Yet He knows we will say yes, so He uses us in this way, and moves us where He wants us. It was humbling and encouraging, but with it comes the realization that we may live a somewhat nomadic lifestyle, which brings with it some sadness. Again I say, it is okay to be sad.
- it's not okay to grumble - sad and complaining are two different things. I am allowed to be sad and that is not sin, but grumbling and complaining are what the Israelites did and that is sin. It means I think I know better than God how things should be handled and it means I don't think He is doing a good enough job. He has had to remind me to keep my attitude adjusted accordingly to guard against this. This is really a life lesson, something we should always be on our guard against, but one that steps up to overdrive when there is the tension of transition and so many unknown elements to yet be ordered. I find I do better in this area when I find my daily time to read the Word. It is like a balm to my bad attitude and gives me food to hope beyond what I can see.
- don't pull back, finish well - this goes for relationships as well as for ministry. My first instinct is to pull back when I feel tension, dissatisfaction, and pain. Moving is painful. It is hard for me to be in company with my friends, and have a wonderful time, with the full knowledge that my time with these precious ones is limited. It is very painful and therefore I want to avoid it. But some of the best and most worthwhile things in life are very painful/costly and they are usually also some of the most rewarding, like childbirth/labor, exercise/running, fighting a battle for freedom, etc. At the end of this transition I want to be able to look back and have no regrets of how I loved my friends. read more about this here.
- time with Jesus is essential - more so than in any other season of life, Jesus is so real to me in the midst of transition. Not just in moving, but when I am pregnant, when I am changing seasons, starting new jobs, etc. Time spent with Jesus is so necessary, it becomes as needed as breathing. In 20 minutes of quiet time with Jesus my whole day can shift for the better. Hope is restored and built up through reading the Word. Peace is reestablished though a few silently spoken prayers. Comfort comes with the shedding of a few tears. He is so near to me in this time, and I know how necessary He is to me finishing well, that I make sure to find time. Have I done it perfectly? No, not at all. I have horrible days where I avoid Him all day because I know I am coping out and don't want to hear His loving correction. For the most part though, I have embraced the discipline to seek Him daily, knowing it is the food of this season. What will sustain me as I prepare to move across the country and to do it graciously. :-)
- fear is a nameless, faceless enemy that is easily dealt with by mere recognition - I am plagued by fears some days. Irrational fears mostly, but even some very logical ones, but fear is never from the Lord. Never! When I find myself fretting, worrying, or feeling anxious, I have but to realize it, call it what it is - fear. Then I rebuke it, invite Holy Spirit to reestablish peace, and then the atmosphere around me shifts so that I begin to feel the peace I have invited. I might battle fear again in the next 20 minutes on a different front, but the process to rid myself is always the same: Identify, rebuke, invite Holy Spirit peace, and for good measure, I sometimes pray in the Spirit until I feel the peace settled more firmly. Still, it is powerful to me to finally know what to deal with fear. I would say over half of my other flaws, weaknesses, and sins are easily conquered when fear is being conquered in my life daily.
So that is a taste of the good fruits that are coming through the tension of this momentary light affliction of preparing to move. I hope you have enjoyed, and I promise there will be more writing on this sort of thing as time dwindles on and the pressure of the move increases.
Be blessed today and fight for you peace!