2nd Trimester and I'm Back!

Okay, so it has been pathetically long since I wrote anything on my blog. Even if I hadn't been gagging on and off for two months, I wouldn't have had much to write about though. The view from my couch, or bed is not that exciting, and you would have gotten sick of all my new mother details which centered around what I've eaten and how much I've slept in a day.
Now I feel as though I have started to come back to life. I'm no longer gagging up my prenatal vitamins and they are making me feel just swell. I get an extra little kick each morning from my folic acid supplement, it's one of the B vitamins you know! Oh, and I ate eggs today, that I cooked myself, and they tasted great!

These are all huge accomplishments for me as a pregnant lady, but that is not all I want to talk about. There's more on my mind.
Christmas!
That is the real reason I wanted to write.
We're missionaries, as most of you know, but this is the first Christmas that we haven't spent it with our little girls in a community surrounded by other missionaries. It has been an awkward reminder of the junk that has still been hiding in my heart. Doubts and worries and fears and comparisons that have been coming out over the last six months in our new home. We are surrounded by people who work at jobs that pay them a regular income each week. No matter how slim their check is though, they always know they have one coming at regular intervals. Our livelihood is completely dependent on the Lord. We don't know when or where the next check is coming from, I can't plan my grocery shopping on the same day of the week, I just go when we have money. Most of the time I can handle this. I've grown use to living with the unknown but always timely provision of the Lord. He has never failed us, He has always provided, and I've grown quite confident that He will supply all our needs.
Holidays throw a kink in this confidence though, because Christmas presents aren't really a need are they? Do they qualify as a necessity? How can I ask for Christmas presents when what I really need is enough money to pay the gas bill or rent?
Yet I live in a community where all my friends are preparing for the holidays and I feel as though I am holding my breath, hoping they don't see how little I am able to join in with them. I have been believing the lie that I am not as good of a parent as my friends because I can't do all the things that they can do for their children. Another lie, I am not a good friend, daughter, wife, mother, etc. if I can't buy so and so a present on their birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc.
Recently the extent of these lies that I was believing came to the surface in one of my emotional breakdowns.
Ken sat as patiently as possible and listened to all my nonsense and then he methodically thwarting all of my arguments/lies and gave me a  much needed pep talk on who my Father is and what Christmas is all about.
Ugh, I both love and hate that man! Love that he tells me the things I need to hear, but hate that he is so right a lot of the time.
By the end of the episode and certainly by the end of that day though I had come to some revelations. Here they are:
Who cares if we can't get the girls what I had been hoping to get them, who cares if we can't buy our family anything this year. We will send them our love, and a card, and maybe even something handmade if I can find the time to finish the dozens of half started projects. People who love us and are close to us are not going to think we are cheap or ungenerous. Our kids aren't old enough to count how many presents are under the tree and calculate the total cost that their parents have spent on them.
All of that means that I can just relax then (well once I have all my homemade presents done) and enjoy the season. My parents are coming down to visit us over Christmas, and that is a cause for celebration, not panic. They don't care if I get them anything. My sweet mother told me today that my dad would be happy with some cookies. Well I know how to make those, so let the baking and sweet making begin!
Another added benefit to all this drama has been that it caused me to re-evaluate what we are doing here in South Carolina. Apparently two months of being sick has caused me to lose sight of what the Lord has called us to here, and it certainly isn't so that we can live the high life and buy everyone expensive Christmas gifts that they don't need. We are called here to pray, to encourage our community to pray, and to serve the body of Christ in the areas the Lord has opened to us. The simplicity of our call should be a reassurance, and it is when I stop and take time to remember it.
And......Jesus is the reason for this season, and what a better way to celebrate Him than by remember to slow down and talk to Him. To take the focus off of all the stuff that is thrown in our faces at this time of year, and just sit and think on our Savior, our King!
He has never let me down, not once!!!

I Was Boring

As a mother who still feels rather new to motherhood, even though I now have two under my belt, I always am looking for ways to improve upon my skills. My favorite sources often include large families that I feel function well, then I track down that busy momma, and ask her all sorts of questions about her secrets to success.

So before I took my sabbatical from blogging to do some other writing though, I was working on a series of tips for motherhood. I thought I would share a new tip that the Lord has recently re-taught me.

Don't fall into the trap of being boring.

What were my first clues that I was being boring. It started when I started to notice unrest in my home. There was fussing, whining, dramatic displays of moods and attitudes, and lots of poor napping going on in this house. Disobedience was on the rise too, as was mommy's temper gauge.

See what I mean, drama and exaggerated boredom.
This scene was
reenacted from actual events that took place.

My husband was the first to point out that there was a problem, and we had a talk about what we felt like wasn't working. I wanted answers to "fix" the problem fast, thinking we needed to ramp up our disciplines to deal with the increased disobedience issues. My husband, who is wise even when he doesn't realize just how wise, suggested we pray and ask Holy Spirit what to do about it first.

There is another tip that is invaluable: Ask Holy Spirit when you see a problem but don't know the root cause.


So I prayed, but I was already pretty sure I knew the answer. That is when the Lord started to show me things in my own heart. Somewhere in the last few months I had lost sight of my goals as a mother. My vision for motherhood had started to wane and so had my ability to change and adapt to new realities in my home (like my 4 year old growing out of most of my old tactics) because I just didn't care enough to try and be my best anymore. I was focused on other 'things'.

I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Those seasons where your mind gets preoccupied with other 'things' and so I had lost focus on what I wanted to accomplish else where. My house had started to fall apart in the meantime. Bathrooms were dirty, floors hadn't been mopped, and my kids were bored nearly to tears. Well, there were probably some actual tears.

All their favorites in the schedule like craft time, reading time, outside play, etc. had been denied them because I wanted to focus on my own things, like crochet, computer time, sewing, eating, sleeping, etc. Pathetic momma, I know, but it was only for a season and then I had my Holy Spirit wake up call.

Now I am trying to be fun again. I am letting them pull out creative crafty games in the morning, planning family devotions for a few mornings a week, letting them enjoy their favorites again. My initial reasons for not wanting to do some of these things was because I was afraid of the mess it would make. My cleaning schedule had also fallen to the wayside, so extra messes were unwelcome during this past season. Epic fail.

Kinsey and her birthday chain, counting down
the days to her birthday, 54 days in this
picture, but it was super fun to make.
She was able to work on her mad scissor skillz!

Now that I am out of my funk though, I can see that messes are worth it. My girls are loving all the craft time, and my mornings fly like a breeze because they are using up all their creative juices making crafts rather than inventing ways to misbehave. There is a whole lot less whining, crying, drama and tears, and you know what, at the end of it all I don't even mind cleaning up. With the total lack of drama, it is so much easier to clean and then move on to the next thing. They are sleeping better at nap time too, and I am spending less gas money taking them to friends houses for entertainment (don't get me wrong, we still have plenty of playdates, just not every other day like we were doing.), and I feel great about how happy they are. Success is a great and heady feeling and I only have the Holy Spirit to thank for this little insight. Who else could have told me, or would I have listened to, that I was being super boring as a mommy? Probably not too many, maybe none. I've still got some pride to kick, I'm sure of it, but Holy Spirit always knows how to say these things to me.

Thank the Lord I don't have to parent out of my own wisdom or only out of the wisdom of others!

So what is your current parenting challenge, or schedule challenge, or whatever conflict you are facing? Ask Holy Spirit about it (literally probably whisper it out loud a couple times in a day), then find some time during the next few days to sit and listen. Seriously, that is it. You don't need to rattle on a laundry list of prayers, you just need to sit and wait for that still small voice. When I first started sitting and listening for Holy Spirit, I did it in 20 minute increments, that was all I could handle.
Sitting quiet and being focus on the Lord is really hard, so if your mind keeps wandering the first few times you try, keep trying. If you keep thinking of all the things you should be doing with that time, write them down on a piece of paper and then refocus. Sitting quiet seems like a waste on the front end, but some of my most amazing revelations from the Lord have come through times of sitting quietly.
When Holy Spirit does speak, I usually don't recognize it right away, even when I am listen for it. In the coming days though, what was spoken to my mind in those quiet times (which I thought on the front end was my own imagination), is usually confirmed within the next few days in other ways. It is really that simple when you know Christ.
He can tell you all sorts of mysteries about your spouse or children or yourself. Sometimes when I think a problem is with my children or spouse, it is always humbling when the Lord shows me the issue is in my own heart. Whenever He shows me the problem though, He also suggests the solution. I love that about Him. He is so good!

So recap of tips:
Don't be Boring.
Ask Holy Spirit about Problems
Learn to Sit Quietly to Hear Holy Spirit

Outdoor play is a must for burning energy, thank you mowing
crew for blowing all the leaves into a pile and disappearing for
about twenty minutes so my girls could 'swim' in them!

Maybe coming up next time in this series will be: Making a Mommy Vision and Making a Schedule to Fit

Brief Explanation

For those of you who actually read this thing half way regularly, I wanted to explain my recent absence from writing on here, and give you a time frame for when I might be back.
Currently I am focusing all my writing energies on something else I'm working on, another writing project so to speak. Not ready to talk about it yet, but it requires most of my spare writing time on the computer (with two babies I am somewhat limited in computer time).
So, hopefully soon I will finish my post about making a dress for my daughter. Having a hang up with a lack of bias tape, trying to make my own, but a bit baffled at the moment with the whole concept of how to make it. After that you may or may not anticipate a post on me making some roman shades for a friend out of some super cute Ikea fabric.
Other than that, it could be quiet on here until sometime after Christmas.
Does that mean I will be finished with said "other writing project" after Christmas? Probably not.
If history repeats itself, which it usually does, then my writing project energies will disappear some months from now when I start to feel utterly overwhelmed by the project. At that point I will put it on the shelf of unfinished projects and writing on it will not recommence until at least 6-8 months later.
Yes, I've been working on and off on this writing project for over two years now, and there is a definite pattern established in the way I work on this thing. Right now, however, I'm feeling quite invigorate to write and work on it, so see you on the other side of this writing spurt!

Mommy Tips

Over the course of the last four years, I have acquired a lot of little tips and tricks that help me to keep my sanity as a momma. I have decided to start compiling a few of my favorites in a place where other mommies can benefit. Most of these are not original to me, so you may have heard a few of them before, but they are all worth repeating if they help a new mommy become a better and more confident mommy.

Tip #1 Scheduling
    This one is highly debated, and widely talked about, but for me and my lifestyle it has been a lifesaver. My children thrive when their days are halfway predictable. Wake up time is almost always the same, breakfast is almost always at the same time, next is playtime/errands, then lunch, then book reading, then the nap. Naptime is my time, so I protect this time and make sure my kids are home and in bed on time almost every single day for the past four years. Any changes of when nap time starts, and my whole day is thrown off. It has to be a really important gig for me to change nap time. :-)
After nap is more playtime/outings, then I cook dinner/short movie (movies only on bad days which occur less often these days), then we eat dinner, we play some more, then we bathe, read books and do our bedtime routine. They are almost always in bed by 7:30pm, unless we are out to dinner at someone's house, which is pretty rare. Again, I really protect bedtime, because after they are in bed, it is my time to do what I want, like quilt, crochet, or watch BBC Victorian era romances.
So there you have it, a glimpse into our scheduled life, and with it we have a whole lot fewer fights because they know what to expect. They sleep well because they have so many cues that bedtime is on its way; another huge plus. I am totally a huge believer in routine, and it has helped me to have a lot more sanity.
Side note: I'm a only child, so I feel like I require a lot more personal alone time than probably most people, I recharge my battery (so to speak) by being alone or doing things on my own.

Tip #2 Eating Out
    Eating out can be a chore sometimes with children, especially when you are trying to talk and socialize with other adults while your children run wild. Or while trying to get your kids to behave/eat their food in a reasonable way. So I go into every dinner meal away from home like it is going to be a battle, and I pack my diaper bag with a whole arsenal of tricks and toys. I also feed my children before we go, always. Then, if they decided they don't want to eat, or are too distracted to eat, I can say, "okay, get down and go play while mommy talks," and I never have to worry that they will go to bed without proper nutrition. When they come to me fussy, I make sure I have sippy cups and snacks within my reach, and/or toys to appease them.
Because seriously, what is the point of going out with friends if all I do is put out fires with my children all night.
However, even with all my planning, we have still had our share of nights where we have to throw in the towel and go home early because the girls won't behave or are too tired to go on. On those nights, I just say, "okay, sorry, please excuse us, we'll see you all again soon," and I tell myself on the way home not to feel embarrassed, because anyone else with kids knows what we are experiencing and probably have a lot of sympathy for us.
Those without children, well I tell myself that someday they probably will, and therefore the understanding will dawn on them. Then I go home, put the kids to bed and find some chocolate treat to devour in the silence.

Tip #3  Quiet time
   My oldest has given up napping, and so we had to come up with a solution that still gives me some time during the day to get things done. Quiet time is the answer. She does really well with it though, because we've been doing quiet time for a long time. Even before she gave up napping.
Whenever mommy is having a bad day, quiet time is an option. It is as much for me as it is for my children. Like those nights where I'm trying to cook dinner, and my girls are just 'at' me because they are bored, or didn't nap well. When I feel my blood beginning to boil and my patience wears thin and my husband isn't due to be home for a couple more hours, we have quiet time. Mommy puts them in their beds with books and a few toys and they have to stay in their beds until Mommy's cool has returned.
It is not a punishment, so they never look at it like a time out (because toys are not involved in time outs) and so they sit and talk to each other and read and whatever, but they are out of the kitchen and happy and that makes me a whole lot happier.
This even works with one child. I used quiet time a lot when I was pregnant with my second, so I could rest quietly for a twenty minute break during the day. Like after a particularly long morning of errands or something and my feet were hurting and swollen (late pregnancy) and so I put my 1+ year old child in her bed with toys and took a 20 min break. Still within earshot, but out of sight.
The point of this tip is: protecting mommy's sanity so that she can be a better mommy when her children are in the room. I remove them from my immediate presence while I rediscover my patience, love, joy, peace, whatever I'm lacking. When I've recovered and snuck some chocolate from my hidden stash, I am ready to go back into the battle and keep a cool head. Yet I was able to avert a total melt down before it hit, and for that, I think this is a worthy option.

So those are the three I've been thinking about recently. As with any parenting advice, children are individuals and so are parents for that matter. Take what you like, throw out the rest, modify it, and make it your own. What worked with my first child only partially works with my second, so flexibility and being in regular communication with Holy Spirit is still a big part of my training as a parent.
Still, I gleaned these gems from other seasoned moms, and I felt they were worth passing along. Hope you enjoyed them, and feel free to comment and share some of your own favorite tips. I love to learn new ideas, especially as my children grow up, because what works when they are babies eventually becomes obsolete.
Bring on the advice!

Empowered

You might think that title is referring to some spiritual quality, but today it has to do with crafting. After my confidence was boosted after learning to gather fabric and learning to sew a stretchy stitch, I have now progressed to making garments.
Baby doll garments.

They are like regular clothes, but in miniature.
Baby Rosy, shown here in her pink dress, needed some new clothes and I was up for the challenge. So I gave the pink dress a quick look over, looked at some patterns online and then decided to wing it with no pattern. Too cheap to print them off.
So I eye-balled, it came up with a pretty decent looking dress (for my first try ever). Professional sewers, do not read further, you may gag.
First off, my first button-holing experience was a bit dramatic leaving the area around the button hole a bit frayed looking. Overall however, I think it turned out okay.
New techniques I used: button-hole foot & stitch, finishing a raw edge without a serger, and sewing in a circle for sleeves. All very interesting and not nearly as overwhelming as I thought they would be.
I finished the dress in about 4 hrs, but next time it won't take so long. At least an hour of that was trying to figure out how to get my button-hole stitch to work properly. Thank you Brother manual for such good pictures.
Oh, and it turns out that baby doll dress sleeves are too small to fit over the end of my machine's sewing platform thingy, so I had to hand-stitch them on. Still, they turned out fairly well too. Although I'm not sure they would hold up if I were to wash it in my washing machine, they will hold up okay being played with.
I wish I could say the same for my first button hole. It may not last, but if it totally falls apart, I will just sew on some velcro strips, since I think my 2 year old would appreciate them better. I've already caught her trying to rip the dress off while almost ripping the single button off in the process.
Velcro is probably in this dress's future.
My final quirk that will be fixed on my next dress. I forgot to cut a neck scoop. Look at how the neck portion stretches almost straight across the poor dolls neck. If this were a real dress, I guarantee my kids would hate it. So note to self, next time cut a neck scoop.
And there you have it, my first garment of sorts.....in miniature. Look how happy Baby Rosy looks.

By the way, do you recognize that polka dot fabric Martha, it is from your blessing of scraps you donated to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Being Crafty doesn't come Cheap.

Sometimes it is cheaper to make things than it is to buy them new, but I have been finding that some things are still cheaper to buy pre-made from the store. Seriously, like quilts, unless you find all the material at 50% off and stockpile a ton of it over the course of the next few months, you could end up spending hundreds of dollars for fabric. You will spend that much at least if you plan to quilt a blanket big enough to cover a real size bed, even for just a twin. I've looked, fabric is not cheap.

A glimpse of my own little crafting space. In my closet.
Like it, check out more about it here.

Another project that is turning out to be not so cost effective for me right now - crocheting a blanket for my daughter's twin bed. By the time I'm done I probably will have spent over $50. That is even with me only buying the yarn when it goes on sale. (you can get yarn cheaper, but it is crap and all scratchy and pills up when you wash it, don't go cheap with yarn if you want it to last)

Lastly, scrapbooking and cardmaking. By the time you buy the stickers/embellishments, papers, and tools, you will have spent way more than you would if you had just gone to the dollar card rack at Walgreen's Pharmacy.
So why do I still craft?

Because handmade is special and making your own stuff is memorable and a form of good pure enjoyment. Sure, I spent like $50 bucks to crochet my daughter's blanket, but when she asks about it when she is old enough to appreciate it fully, I can proudly say that I made it. The project itself has also provided me with a lot of spare-time entertainment. I can watch the prayer room and crochet and sing to the Lord all at the same time. It is truly glorious.

So then why am I making my huge quilt? That will not be cost effective either, will it?
Well this particular quilt is being made out of scraps that have been donated to me over time. I think I've only spent maybe $20 on a few extra fat quarters of fabric. So even though this blanket will fit my King size bed, it will have been achieved at hopefully very little cost to me.
Most quilts however do not end up being so cheap. My last quilt, big enough to suit a toddler bed, I spent over $100 on the fabric, and that was after using my 50% off coupons at Joann's. Still, it is beautiful and my first half way decent looking one. I will treasure it always.

Scrapbooking is another memorable one. Nothing says special like handmade memories set in stylish papers and embellished with love.
Card making is less memorable, because in my opinion a card is only as memorable as what is written in it. A card that is simply sent to a loved one is appreciated for the moment, but is later discarded, but if it has a memorable and loving message handwritten inside, it tends to be cherished longer. So who really cares what is on the outside of the card? Wouldn't it just be cheaper to buy one at the dollar rack at Walgreens?
Well, for most people I would say yes, go to the dollar rack, but if you are also a scrapbooker, then you already have most of what you need to make cards also, so make a few and save that dollar. That is me, the savvy card maker, using scraps from my scrapbooks....most of the time.
Why am I even writing this post?

As a possible rant against all the other crafts that are not cost effective. Like wreath making or silk flower arrangements. I can go buy a silk flower arrangement already made at Big Lots for half the cost of making my own. I can buy my own beautiful wreath already made at Michael's for cheaper than I can buy all the materials to make my own. Unless of course you are use to shopping for these items at places like Crate&Barrel or PotteryBarn, then making your own might be cheaper.
But again, that is not me, I am not the Crate&Barrel, PotteryBarn kind of girl - although I do enjoy looking at their catalogs for inspirations. Still, I can do most of what they do in their catalogs for half the price! It is my opinion that their market must be to the creatively challenged or the extra-time challenged (as in no time to create).

Here are a few more crafts that I find are not cost effective....making your own clothes, painting, crocheting/knitting (even though I do enjoy it enough to fork out the dough), and jewelry making.
Perhaps I have been living in a thrift-world-sort-of-reality for far too long, but I just can not digest the idea of forking out $40 for anything I might want to wear, let alone spend that much to make my own which will take up my time also.

You know what, I think I should just stop there. What is the point of all this rant? My main point has been stated.
It costs a lot to craft! People should craft because they like to craft, not because they think they can make things cheaper than they can buy them in the store.

It is a huge misconception: Don't buy it, you can make it for less.
Most of the time that is a false statement, but one I have fallen into often.

I grew up with a dad that had that as his motto for saving money. Remember those topsy-turvey pony-tail things that easily helped you to flip your ponytail back through itself to make a cool yet simple hairdo. Well I wanted one when I was in grade school and my dad was convinced he could make it. I love my dad, only a man who truly loved me would have went to so much trouble. He was convinced they were a rip off, that they were cheaper to make than what was being charged.
So he found an old ink pen, hot glued a piece of weed whip cord looped into the empty pen and there you have it, a home-made topsy-turvey ponytail thingy. However, the hot glue came loose the first time I used it and it has forever been a joke in our home.  Love you dad, most dads would have just said, "no, we don't have the money right now for that new-fangled thing," but no, you went the extra mile and tried to make what I wanted and although it didn't work, I love you for it.

Back to my point though. Most of the time you can not make what you want for cheaper.
When I realized this, I wondered if I should quit crafting, but to me that felt like I was saying I should stop breathing. So I craft, but with the full knowledge that it is just for fun.
If the store you are looking in is too expensive, don't fool yourself into thinking you can make it for less. Some other store, probably on the wrong side of the tracks, has already thought of that, and they are creating what you want in bulk for half the price you would spend on the supplies. So go on, check out the thrift stores, the discount stores, the less than trendy stores. You will find a smorgasbord of less than perfect and total knock offs of what you were just ogling in that high end store.
I've been there, I've done that! I only go to the trendy, high end stores for things I need in quality (like shoes & bras), and to get inspiration for what I want to look for in the low end and thrift stores.
So, I end with, Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle........................and Craft if you must.
I do :-)

By the way, here is my next crafty project, a wreath
made of old book pages.
I can hardly contain my excitement.
Want to make one too, check out the tutorial here.

Music Memories

Yesterday was a very cool day for me. Nothing terribly out of the ordinary happened, I just felt....different. It was rainy outside, and so I talked myself into doing laundry. The girls played in my room and around me as I did my cleaning in the midst of laundry time.
We played, we picked up and then it was time for lunch. I put Kalei to bed, she didn't sleep, so I laid with her for a bit. Kinsey wouldn't sleep either, so Ken took her for a walk. My house was peaceful and I was peaceful....on the inside. Nothing could ruffle my feathers, no circumstance could mess with me.
I know this peace, I remember the times I've felt it before. It is supernatural grace, and I love the way it makes me feel. I'm a better mom, wife, cook, housekeeper, friend, and daughter when I am feeling that overwhelming grace.
Like I said, nothing really ruffles my feathers when I'm feeling it.
Does that mean that I don't still have kids that bicker and fight, or that I suddenly love cleaning my floors or folding what feels like endless loads of laundry? No, it just means that I don't feel hopeless or without purpose when I'm dealing with all those things. It means I have this inner peace and I feel overwhelmingly connected to the Lord, so that everything I do, no matter how boring, feels as though it has been seen by Him personally (which is always the case, even when I don't feel His affectionate eye upon me).
We (as Christians) all know the scriptures that tell us that He is the God who sees, but there are those days where you KNOW He sees you, and so you are completely confident in all you are doing.....nothing ruffles your feathers.
Has anyone ever felt this way? I know I wish I felt this way more often, but it is usually just a passing gift, a reminder that what I'm doing is important.
Once you've experienced it though, you recognize it quicker the next time so you can savor every moment. I'll never forget the first time I noticed that I was feeling the supernatural grace. I just kept thinking to myself "I should be freaking out right now, but I feel so peaceful and calm" or I would think, "I should be offended at this, but I'm not, it's fine." It was a bizarre new reality for me.
So, I finished up my night with listening to some Josh Garrels music (Love & War & the Sea in Between), one of my favorite artists. It was then that I felt as though I was even more connected to the Lord. He was now more than the God who sees, He was the God who was listening to my heart sing to Him and He was more than just a friendly bystander, He was tangible in the room.
Just writing about this I feel as though I sound insane. I promise you though, this is how it felt, and I've been loving the Lord for a while now, so I know these things are genuinely true. He really is this personal when you seek Him for a relationship.
So I was just siting at my computer playing Spider Solitaire (not terribly spiritual) and singing Josh Garrels music to the Lord. The words were like a drink offering being poured out of my heart, and I felt like I was joined to an ancient Power (probably because I am) in a deeply personal way. (to draw a human type parallel, I would say it felt maybe like I had been commissioned by Donald Trump to paint a picture for him, but he came to my house to sit in my kitchen while I painted it....poor attempt, but I had to try and explain it further.)
Sigh.
Then it was time to go and so I grabbed the ipod, which I never do and drove to small group, still listening to Josh Garrels, this time the Jacaranda album. It kept up, the connection I mean. I was technically driving in the end of rush hour traffic, and yet I cruised down the back roads only driving the speed limit. The people behind me were probably upset, but I just couldn't rush it.
Small group was awesome.
But when I was back in the car with the ipod it was even enhanced by my time in small group (we had been talking about God given dreams and desires in our hearts). I rolled down the windows and let the wet rainy air come in while I lifted my voice even more. Kinsey was probably a bit puzzled as to why I was singing so loud to seemingly no one, but she is probably use to that by now. I sing a lot in the privacy of my own home, quite loudly.
Seriously though, this will be one of those music memories in my mind. There are a few of those memories that have stuck with me over the years. Probably the one that was the most powerful, ranking above this one even, was one I had as I flew into the Chicago O'hare airport from our New York City mission trip. It was a very cloudy day, so as we flew in over the Michigan lake, and there was this magnificent classical piece playing on the headphones. I love classical music.
Then we started to descend out of the clouds. At first all I could see were glimpses of the bluish green water below us, but all around us were clouds, then we came lower. Out the window I could see the forms of clouds near to us and farther off too, in layers that hid us, and then the water started to appear in bigger patches. The music was magical as I watched the water come more and more into view and the clouds began to drop away from us, and then we were out of them, and the thick clouds were a low ceiling above us and the water was an amazing expanse of greens and blues. Then as we banked toward the airport, I caught a glimpse of the city skyline in the haze after a thunderstorm. It was all so beautiful and surreal. All the while, the beautiful, ethereal music is playing in my headphones and I felt like I was a part of some heavenly realm for a moment. Or in some beautiful movie at least, where the music fits the breathtaking scenes being shown in slow motion.
I will never forget that music or the way it made me feel inside.

Cumulus clouds,
these are what we flew through.
Photo courtesy of NationalGeographic stockphotos.

Just like I will probably not forget the way the music made me feel last night.
It makes me want more and more of this Grace to come in and shine on me. It really is better than chocolate or caffeine combined.....

Side note: I think this kind of Grace is very much available to all people who love Christ, but I also know that I usually get it when I have been pressing in harder than normal. When I say pressing in, for me that looks like....praying in tongues a lot more than usual (maybe going from 5 min a day to 15 min a day), reading my Bible regularly and praying about what I've read, putting myself in places that I can receive sound Biblical teaching (more than just on Sundays), and worshiping in my home. I've also just recently added one day a week where I am trying to fast food. I'm not pregnant, so it is a good season to do so. I got to say, I'm not doing great at it, but the Lord sees my efforts and it all counts.
So just know that it isn't how good you can do all these things that awards you the Grace, it is just your effort in pursuing more of the Lord. He gives you more eventually, and it is always more than you expected. So keep pressing onward for the prize!

*disclaimer: All the things I do to press in are not on a daily basis. I am a busy mom, but when I do find time, I find it is easy to fall into time-waster tasks instead; like playing on the internet or watching a movie or sleeping. I have found that doing the things that don't come to me naturally when I have time, result in a touch from the Lord. Example: when I want to watch a movie, I've learned now that it could be better to watch the prayer room and crochet for a while. If I'm too tired to watch the prayer room, then I'm too tired to watch a movie. But don't get me wrong, I still watch plenty of movies, I just try to balance it with plenty of prayer room time also.
Be blessed!