Sugar Detox - Round 2

Three years ago (approximately) I detoxed myself from sugar. What a wonderful and stupid thing it was to do. Wonderful, because it is always a good idea to detox from any addictive substance, and stupid, because I didn't really think about what the consequences might be. Therefore I detoxed without a plan for what to do with all the "junk" that a lack of sugar stirred up in me. (white refined sugar to be specific)

Seriously, I was raging on the inside. Most people wouldn't look at me and say, "she is a woman who deals with anger", but I'm telling you flat out, I had murderous thoughts about people for the seven days it took my body to detox from sugar. It was scary, even to me.

I'm telling you, it was wild! Thankfully, most of the war with my flesh occurred in my mind. Still, it was like taking a bandaid off of a big nasty infected wound. Instead of dealing with anger or frustration as it cropped up, I had just kept putting a fresh bandaid on it every time it would begin to ooze through the old. Sugar was my bandaid.

I would hazard to say that lots of us stay at home moms use sugar as a bandaid, because heck, what else can we do in the moment. The kids are out of hand, the house is a wreck, and I (we) have a whole, well stocked cabinet with baking supplies at my (our) disposal. Let's whip up some cookies and eat away our troubles.

Some of you may laugh, because it sounds funny, but also because you know it is so true. Scary true.

Now back to the detox. The detox forced me to look at the vicious cycle I had been supporting. I would have a bad day, but instead of taking my burdens and troubles to the Lord and allowing Him to help me invest into those areas where I was struggling, I just baked cookies and pacified my flesh.

Therefore, the fresh bandaid was applied, and I didn't have to look at or deal with my issues.

No everyone uses sugar this way, but I would guess that we all have something that we turn to as a comfort when we feel 'stressed' or 'on the edge'.  So we pacify our flesh, you, me, and lots of people, right? Yet I took the plunge three years ago to be brave and rip that bandaid clean off, and then be more brave to look at what was underneath (in my heart).

I am sharing all of this to encourage you to try it too. Be brave. Try to quit some habit that you turn to when you are having a bad day. See if we are really walking in that fruit of the Spirit called Self Control.

It may not be pretty, and it probably won't be fun, but it will be healthy and a very good learning experience. It humbles me to look at the true condition of my heart. I did my first detox, like I said, almost three years ago.  Since then, I try to do them periodically (sugar detox), as a litmus test to see where my heart is. It is a pretty accurate test.

If I can be friendly and walk in compassion and love without my beloved sugar, then I'm doing pretty good with allowing the Lord to transform me from the inside out, and not just covering up my boo boo's.

If I can't be civil or say a kind word to my husband, children and housemates, and I want to swerve my car to hit innocent creatures while driving, and I want to ram my cart into someones car who parked to close to my passenger side so that I can no longer easily load my children in after an excursion into a grocery store (just being real here, I never actually did these things, I just wanted to), then i would say I have been using sugar as a boo boo cover again, and need to take these heart issues to the Lord afresh. I need to let the Lord cultivate in me some Fruits of the Spirit, because lets face it, if we really have the fruit, then it will still be there when the sugar is gone, right?

So in the last three years I would say I have done pretty decent, my detoxes have not be terribly dramatic, like my first, but this one, the one I started a few days ago, has been interesting. Hard. Ugly.

It started with a massive headache, which at least reduced me to passive parenting (red flag 1). Then, when the headache passed, I was using sharp words with everyone in my house. I knew I didn't feel as strongly as I was speaking, but I just couldn't seem to control my tongue (red flag 2). Now, I find myself feeling somewhat depressed when I walk in the kitchen, like nothing will satisfy me (red flag 3).

Then later, I blew up on my housemate about the most ridiculous thing, and spent the next 20 minutes pacing around our townhouse complex crying. Not because I was sorry, but as a release for all the rage that was burning under my surface. Then, after praying in tongues for a bit, I was finally able to come in and apologize to our housemate and look at the situation rationally (big ol' fat red flat 4).

So now my questions is, "how did I let sugar creep in and take so much control again?" The answer is pretty simple, and a long story (so I will not go into it), but the bottom line is, I was again using sugar as a crutch to deal with the somewhat hard things in my little world.

Wow. Food is such a powerful thing in our lives. To be used for good, and evil.

And for me, white refined sugar, is evil.


Which brings me to another point that I feel ready to mention.  I will need to be learning these lessons, of how to run to the Lord with my problems, instead of sugar, in the coming months.

As some of you may already know, we are moving again, across country again, this time to land in Texas. I am both elated and apprehensive. I am so excited for the adventure the Lord is leading me into, but I am not as eager to start all over in a new place.

I have built some of the most amazing friendships of my life here in Charlotte, NC, and it will be a very hard day for me to say goodbye to these people who mean so much.

It may be 7 months away (July-ish), but I know myself. I will need the Lord to be my comfort as the time draws near. I don't want sugar to be my comfort. I want the Lord! He is my comfort and my shield.

If you think of it, pray for us, that the Lord would make this a smooth transition and that the Lord would also be preparing me some new friends in Texas.  I already know that I'm going to need them like air. There is nothing like another woman friend to cry with, laugh with, and share life with.

Natalie, Tabitha, Katy, Carolyn, Bree, Katie, Ashely, Lauren, Lindsay, and Ashleigh, you ladies have made my life so good here in South Carolina. There are others, of course, but these are my fail-safe groupies, that help make being a mom so much fun for me!

Bless you all!

Awareness Day

Lot of thoughts float through my head on any given day, but lately there has been a recurring theme. I come upon this theme fairly regularly, because it is one of those things that has always pierced my heart. It is one of my greatest passions for intercession, but I warn you, it is heavy, and sometimes hard to read about. It is....


Human Trafficking - the Sex Slave Industry.


Because that's what it is, you know, an industry that exploits women & children sexually.

It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. The injustice, the evil, the victims, and yes, even the perpetrators.

Sexual crimes in general have a huge affect on me, especially since I got married and experienced sexual intimacy for the first time.  I realized then what a beautiful and wonderful, and yet very vulnerable experience it can be and should be. After than, even when I would read about a rape in the newspaper I would be reduced to tears and feel a heavy knot in my stomach. The wrongness of this sin stirs me inside like few others do.

Sometimes I still cry about it, when the reality of it grips me afresh. Mostly though, I take that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach now, and turn it into intercession. Lately I have had a wave of thoughts concerning this very topic again. The Lord just keeps highlighting the industry to me, and my heart is gripped with the desire to speak out about it. Then I realize it is Human Trafficking Awareness Month. Go figure.

My excuse is no longer "how can I share about this", but when and to who.  So here is one of the places I have chosen (my blog).

It was National Human Trafficking Awareness Day yesterday, January 11th! Yet this whole month has been declared by President Obama to be National Slavery and Human Trafficking Awareness Month (January).  Even Obama can get some things right, and I bless him for that, but I hope it leads to him pushing also for the Trafficking Victims Protection Act (TVPA) to be renewed through Congress. Click the link above to read more about it.

So now I just want to highlight a ministry that deals with this very issue. Not some foreign mission, far across the ocean, although there are plenty of those. Great and powerful ones that work to rescue and then support women and children being brought out of the sex industry.

Still, I am choosing to highlight a ministry that is much closer to home and one that I think plenty of us have a skewed view of. I know I use to misunderstand these women.

Prostitution, right here in the United States of America.

We sometimes write these women off as "they should have known better" or "they chose that lifestyle for themselves", but they are as much victims as any, and their Father in Heaven is broken hearted over them as much as anyone else.

So here is the ministry - Hookers for Jesus! 

I first heard about this ministry watching the movie Nefarious.

Never heard of that movie? It is a movie that exposes the extent of human trafficking that is happening around the world. It brings awareness to the plight of women and children all across the globe.

"Why would anyone want to watch a movie about that?" you ask.

I would, and thousands of others too, because we desire to be gripped and ruined with the issues that grip and pain the father heart of God. Sure it is painful to see and watch. I was crying uncontrollably during several parts, especially where children were involved, but it is pain with a purpose!

It moves me to do all I can (in my small world of influence) to pray about it, talk about it, learn about, and walk with a heart of compassion.

So there you go. Please try to read about Annie's story on the Hookers for Jesus site if you can. It will not be easy. Her story paints a very painful picture of brokenness, but it has a good ending. One that leads to a powerful outworking of the redemptive work the Lord has done in her life.

If you are also interested in learning more about the Nefarious video, and other Human Trafficking awareness materials, then please visit Exodus Cry!

Have a blessed day.

Wisdom from Julie Meyer

Earlier this week I was looking through my day planner and found a handful of notes that I had taken from a Mom's Meeting at IHOPKC over two years ago.

I have attempted to make quotes from this meeting many times in speaking to my mom friends, quotes to encourage. The seasoned mom who spoke that night (as you have probably guessed by now) was Julie Meyer, the very prophetic worshiper from IHOPKC. She has three boys, two of which are twins. They are grown now, but she was sweet enough to share what she learned in her season of motherhood with a group of us younger moms, who were just starting out.

Here are a few of the things that she said (my comments and thoughts are in parenthesis):

Julie Meyer - IHOPKC Mom's Meeting 4.21.2010

As women and mothers, we are often so busy moving around that we can only get a few drops of the Lord's presence throughout our days. But if we would just learn to sit still before Him, He could fill the whole glass of our life, which would sustain us for longer.

She also encouraged us to make a list of our callings, giftings,  and goals and to keep them in a place where we would see them often. (that was huge at the time for me, but since then, I have heard many Christian leaders repeat this very wisdom about goals and visions - keep them where you can see them often.)

She emphasized that the Lord has a tailor made journey just for us, so we can not, and should not compare our journey to others. She then said we should ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom in how to live in our calling in the midst of our current season. Motherhood does not mean that our dreams and life-goals have to sit on the shelf until we are 'free' to pursue them again. We can walk in a measure of our callings even as mothers, even with small babies. Ask the Holy Spirit how.

In reference to that point, she told of how when she was home alone with her babies, that was the training ground the Lord used to grow her in the place of the prophetic. In the season of motherhood, she learned to hear His voice more clearly and to speak His words out prophetically and with boldness! (I want that to come forth while I'm mothering, oh, how wonderful to be able to speak the Lord's words over my family and myself in the season of being hidden in motherhood.)

So she instructed us to listen for Holy Spirit's voice throughout our days and to look for those divine moments. Even as mothers, we are offered glimpses of what the Spirit is doing, if we look for it.

In the training ground of motherhood, Julie learned to be still, listen & trust the Lord's voice at a new level. From there she was able to train her children from the wealth of Holy Spirit revelation she was gathering.

To make your season of training easier, she gave a list of four things to try and do:

 1. Look out for the spirit of fear - fear will be a big enemy, and will try to blindside you. To combat fear, step back, talk to the Lord about what you are experiencing, and trust the wisdom He offers.

2. Don't grumble & complain about your season (look for the joy in what the Lord is doing, even in the midst of pain, suffering, or persecution - I have found that worship is warfare against the desire to grumble.)

3. Don't compare your life/ministry/mothering/giftings, fill in the blank, to that of others. Just don't compare! The Lord is working a unique work inside of you, and it will always look a bit different from everyone else you know. (if you can't compare, it either helps keep you humble, or helps you keep from feeling discouraged)

4. Sing the Word/speak the Word - sing it in your house, over your kids, over yourself, in the car, shower, etc. The Word brings life and joy and peace. (We need those things a lot in motherhood.)


Near the end she gave some practical ways to learn to prophesy, here are her three tips to get started:

1. Set your heart toward the Lord, and attempt to sing the Word out loud as often as possible (it connects our hearts with His)

2. Sing prayers from scripture out loud (not a great songwriter? the PrayerRoom.com out of IHOPKC, sings a lot of scripture, so a good place to get started)

3. Turn it around and sing what you hear the Lord saying over you, sing it back to Him.


Lastly, she gave us hope of what we might expect on the other side of motherhood.

In a practical way, there are some parts of our callings as women and leaders, that can not be fully realized in motherhood, but she says, do not worry. And I quote:

"When this season is over, the Lord will open doors and make room for you to move back into the fullness of your calling."

Even still, she encourages us to expect the Lord to meet us and encounter us right where we are right now. Right in the midst of the nitty gritty of motherhood. In the midst of dirty diapers, discipline, and dishes. Be confident. He sees it all, and every time we set our hearts toward Him in the midst of our daily work, doing it unto Him. He sees it, and it counts. It all counts!

Lord, encounter our hearts with the truth of who You are, and how You have been working in our hearts. I speak encounter, not just to mothers, but to women who have lost sight of the biggest goal. The biggest goal is You, Jesus!!!!

Amen. Be blessed.

Trees of Life

That is what we are....trees of life.

A woman at prayer today said this, "we are trees of life, we change the atmosphere." She was speaking out of a revelation the Lord gave her when she first arrived at MorningStar.

Yet when anyone starts talking about trees, plants, or flowers, I always begin to dig back in my horticultural training and try to make spiritual and natural parallels. So what is a tree of life in the natural....a tree that is alive!

We are all trees that are alive. Even the smallest in our midst are just young trees growing up under the canopy of the mature trees. Trees were meant (in the natural) to live in community. They grow in forests for a reason. When trees grow in forests they are stronger, they grow to be much older, and they support a whole different kind of ecosystem under their canopy than singular trees.

Note: an ecosystem is a biological community of interacting organisms and their physical environment.

Now, why do they do better in families (forests). Because they were designed to grow best when they are growing up, vertically; NOT horizontally. When they reach toward the light of the sun (in the natural) there is room for them all to grow together into a strong and protective canopy for the younger ones around them. They reach for the light, focused on the light, and grow taller than trees that grow out in the open on their own. They also are stronger because of all their fellow trees around them offering support from the roots, but also from all sides. In a storm, the winds blow, but they rub and lean against one another, and do not fall over.

The beautiful trees that we see planted out in a field by themselves are usually not healthy trees. They may look nice with their long, horizontal flowing branches, but they are under a lot of stress. They waste so much energy putting out those beautiful horizontal branches. They grow horizontal instead of upward, because there is no lack of light, therefore they are not forced to focus on growing in any particular direction. So they grow all over the place, aimlessly sending out branches that will later weigh too much for them to hold up in old age.

Singular trees in the open also aren't enough on their own to create their own atmosphere. They only create just enough shade to cover their root system, but not enough to cool the air around themselves significantly. Therefore, their roots dry out quicker, which causes them more stress in trying to get enough water to all those crazy horizontal branches.

Trees growing out in the open do not create a home for creatures to live in. A creature may stop and admire the trees beauty, or stop to take a break in its shade, but it will not live there because it is not a protected place. One tree does not offer enough safety on its own.

It isn't even safe for the lone tree. They are easily damaged in storms and are more susceptible to lightening strikes out in the wide open. With all that working against them, lone trees don't tend to live that long, they just can't stand against all those elements on their own for years and years and years. Rarely will you see a lone tree live much past 50 years, which is a very short life for a tree.

Forests, however, create a different atmosphere. It can be 100 degrees out in the sun, but the forest is cooler, and quieter. In the winter, the forest is warmer too because the many trees together block out the force of the winter wind.

Storms don't destroy whole forests because the trees together take the force of the winds as a united body. They are rooted into each other. Wherever a tree root touches another tree root there is the potential for a root fusion to take place (with trees of same species). With a root fusion, the two tree roots can then share water and nutrients and support one another. And back to the storms, you can't knock down just one tree in a storm because of those roots. The only way one tree can fall in a forest is if it is already dead and the roots are rotten.

Oh, the spiritual pictures we can draw from trees, eh?

It goes on, though.

So if we are trees of life, and we do best in community, then who do we create that atmosphere for? For the younger trees growing up beneath us, yes, but many, many creatures, big and small, find shelter and food in the midst of the forest. We are to create the atmosphere for ourselves as well as all those who need shelter in the world, not just for other trees, but for every creature that needs a refuge (the lost, the broken, the weary).

The world is full of storms, and we are TREES of LIFE, standing firmly together to make an atmosphere to shelter those around us. In the midst of that community of living trees, people will find that it is cooler in the heat of summer, warmer in the cold of winter, and full of water and life for all those who hunger and thirst.

Be blessed. We are the trees of life!

Appetite

No, this is not a post about any of my new and amazing recipes.....although I do love to cook.

It is about my gallbladder, and then again, it has nothing to do with my gallbladder.

It has to do with food, natural and spiritual.

After giving birth to my baby boy about four months ago, I started having gallbladder attacks. Quite a few. Several bad enough to make me consider the emergency room.  Yet I think I would have to be on my death bed before stepping foot in an emergency room. Not only are they usually full and have a terrible wait, but they cost about $1000 just for walking into one.

So I prayed my way out of those really bad attacks. Jesus is good, all the time, even in the midst of gallbladder attacks.

Surgery is my last option too! I do not want surgery, not only because the idea of surgery terrifies me, but because it costs money I don't have, requires insurance I don't have, and from all I've read online, it doesn't actually solve the root issue. The root issue is......food.

I needed to change my diet to get rid of these attacks. There is a whole list of foods that are known to trigger attacks, and I am sensitive to the majority of them. Foods like eggs, dairy (all kinds), fatty meats, grapefruit, beans, cauliflower, and pork (all kinds).

Caffeine and gluten are also on the list, but I don't drink caffeine any more and gluten doesn't seem to bother me to much (although I have tried to cut back on it). Thank you Jesus.

So what do I eat now, you ask? I gotta say, it is a pretty strict diet for sure, but not as hard as I thought it would be.  Seriously though, I think I miss dairy probably the worst. Anyhow. The point is that my diet is suddenly very strict.  It took the threat of horrid, extreme pain to keep me committed to this new healthier diet, but I have done it.  The thought of a painful gallbladder attack is enough to help me say no to a piece of cheese any day of the week.

Now onto the spiritual application of this. The Lord has been changing my spiritual appetites too. Things that have always been okay for me to do, and things that are okay for most other Christians to do are suddenly being highlighted and removed.  The one that comes most quickly to my mind is - movies.

You may have heard me talk about limiting my movie intake before. I already have fairly strict movie guidelines. Now, the guidelines include zero movies, and few to none youtube videos either.

Even my beloved British period dramas are being cut out. Am I being legalistic you ask? No, not really. I wish I could fully convey my heart through a blog post, but I'm not sure I'm a skilled enough writer to. So let me just try anyhow, and you read between the lines and try to hear my heart.

These major changes to my spiritual life are all because I am just wanting more of the Lord. In the same way that I have come into a season of gallbladder attacks that have affected my physical diet, I have come into a season of spiritual consecration which has affected my entertainment diet. Movies are a distraction. Shallow social gatherings that either boost or deflate my self-esteem as a mom, also are a distraction (there are deeper social connections that edify me and build me up in the Spirit and those are still on the menu). These two types of entertainment either pacify my flesh or feed my flesh and dull my mind and heart.

I don't dream much when I watch a lot of movies, and I don't usually hear the Lord's voice as clearly after watching movies. They dull me, but I'm only talking about me. My point is not to convince anyone else to do what I am doing.  As I have already said, I only feel this is a season. Not forever.

Now lets judge the results of these diet changes.

In the physical: I have been without any serious gallbladder attacks in over two months. The few ones I have had most recently were when I have compromised and eaten something I knew was on the 'no' list. It has taught me that even small compromises have consequences. Ouch.

In the spiritual: what He is allowing me to feel, see, hear, and operate in, in the Spirit, is worth giving up anything, even my favorite forms of entertainment. I have been dreaming more, hearing His voice more clearly, and been walking in greater authority since giving up the above mentioned 'distractions'. I will not say that it hasn't been hard, but I am learning that even small compromises in this area also reap consequences. When I watch too much media, there is an almost tangible dullness that I feel when I try later on to enter into prayer.

In both the spiritual and physical (gallbladder) I have found the quickest and most immediate way to remove the consequence (the dullness of mind or the gallbladder attacks) is to repent for my compromise quickly (yes, I literally repent for eating the bad food that I have eaten) and pray in the Spirit until I feel the release of the Lord's peace. It has worked so many times now that I can't deny the power and connection between repenting and the reestablishment of the Lord's peace.

Now the summary: The point is not for you to feel guilty about watching movies or eating the foods you like. I did that for years, with no consequences, and I plan to do that again (eventually) when this season is over, but I am in a season of setting aside those things and pressing in for something more from the Lord. The reason it is worth it is because my obedience in this season will directly effect the fruit of this season and that is true for any season. The Lord takes us through different seasons to show us things or teach us things. Our response to the season, whether in obedience or disobedience, will determine the fruit of that season and whether or not we are allowed to advance in the Kingdom. If we fail (thru disobedience) it can stall our journey, or we may have to go through the same season again, later on.

Have you ever heard people make the comment "I'm going around the mountain again" in reference to the Lord? Well that is a real thing. I am on a journey up the mountain, but if I don't walk in obedience, then my journey is stalled and I'm only going to be able to go around and around.....obedience moves us forward and up. I want to go up, and so I am choosing to be obedient, as hard as that seems some days. I know in the end it will be worth it.

Perhaps the Lord is showing you an area where you are needing to be obedient and without compromise. In sharing my own journey I hope I have encouraged you on your way. It is not easy some days to stick to my new strict 'diets', but I want more than anything to move forward with the Lord. So I press on and say no to those things that hinder the journey. Ask the Lord to help you see clearly the goal, so that it will be easier for you to say no when a compromising situation is offered. And know this: "The Lord will not tempt you beyond what you can endure" (1 Cor. 10:13).

Be blessed.

The Blind Milkmaid and the Prince

Hello all,

Strange title? Well it was a title I read in my dream last night. Felt lead to share it.

In the dream it was as if I was looking at a children's story book, and I flipped to the last story and it was called The Blind Milkmaid and the Prince.

Then suddenly in the dream, I was sucked into living in the story.  I was the blind milkmaid. I was poor and alone and along came a Prince who had been looking all over for me. When he found me he was overjoyed and tried to take me back to the Palace with him. He said it is where I belonged, but all I could see was my rags, and everything around me looked normal, simple, and desolate. Even the Prince, to me he looked like a normal man. He took me to the Palace anyways and tried to reintroduce me to the King's staff. They all seemed to know me, but I didn't know them. They looked normal too in the dream, regular men and women, simply dressed. The Palace the Prince tried to show me looked like an overgrown field where the rubble ruins of a old house might have been at one time. There were broken wagon wheels lying in the weeds and a tumbled down stone wall.

Then I was sucked back out of the story, no longer living in the pages of the story, but outside of it, watching it unfold further. Sure enough, when I saw the world through the Prince's eyes, there was indeed a shining golden Palace which was so huge if filled the entire field, but the field was gone. There were manicured gardens, and all the King's servants were nearly shining in their rich garments and they had regal faces. Then I saw the Prince, and he was dressed in yellow and white garments that nearly shown with a brightness of their own. His face was bright too.

The milkmaid was also not as she saw herself, she was regal and magnificent too. Although still dressed as a milkmaid in shabby clothes, her face shone with light and she was so beautiful. Her hair was glossy and her skin was clean and bright.

Then I again was granted the view of the milkmaid and the Palace was gone, the Prince looked like a normal man again, the servants were all plain, and the rugged field was all I could see.

Then, once more I was granted the Prince's view of the world, and I was so amazed at the contrast. The world was aglow with the Prince's reality.

That is when I woke up and the title of the story played through my head again, "The Blind Milkmaid and the Prince".

Oh my goodness! If that isn't a parallel of how the Lord sees us, compared to how we see ourselves and the world. I know I certainly have trouble seeing what He sees. It was also exactly what I needed to hear from the Lord last night. Perhaps there are those of you out there reading this who needed to read it too.

The moral of the story, if you will, is that we, as the Bride of Christ, do not always see ourselves as we should, we are blind (if you will) to our true selves and the reality of Jesus.  We may not even recognize the Prince when He comes to us.

So I ask, in prayer, right now. Father, open our eyes. Let us see what the Prince sees. Let us have eyes that see our true selves, the way You see us Jesus. You have called us Your Bride, but so much of the time we feel as though we are nothing more than a poor, raggedy milkmaid. Take the scales off our eyes, heal us from our blindness, and continue to draw us into your company until we believe Your words. For it is only in Your company, Jesus, that we are able to be healed and transformed. You make us whole, which then allows us to feel and know Your love in a new and real way! Do it Lord, amen.

Witchcraft

Yes, seriously, I am going to talk about witchcraft today. It is not that oogly-moogly stuff from the movies, although it is that too. Real witchcraft though is much more subtle.

Witchcraft: counterfeit spiritual authority used to manipulate and control others; manipulation by any other spirit other than Holy Spirit.

Before I jump in though, I am going to reference my past testimony of the Lord's deliverance. You can read the whole story here.

As a recap for those of you who are too lazy to go back and read the full story:

I was delivered in 2009 from tormenting thoughts. They were thoughts that condemned me and held me back from growing in the Lord by using a spirit of shame and guilt. When the deliverance came, I hadn't even been asking for it, but I realized later that the shame I had always felt was gone and that it has affected so many areas of my Christian life. I wasn't even sure where the open door in my life had come from, but I suspected that it had come from my high school years where I had watched a lot of movies. I drew this conclusion because a lot of the tormenting thoughts used movies that I had watched to heap the guilt and shame on me.

That is the short version, but now I have the sequel.

Remember how I didn't know where the open door was, what specifically allowed these tormenting thoughts to enter. Well, I think I may now know, at least two of the sources.

Almost three nights ago now, I was awake at 3am feeding my baby boy. I was sitting in my usual spot on the floor and sort of dozing, sort of letting my mind wander. Suddenly I started remember this Japanese Animation series I use to watch about vampires and demons. I started thinking about it in detail and thinking, "wow, I use to watch THAT!" I had not thought of that movie in years, but I was at 3am, so I asked the Lord about it, and He said I needed to break agreement with those movies. There were lies and subtle messages in it that I had unwittingly made agreement with, and now was the time to break it. So I did, I renounced any agreement and rebuked any wicked thing in those movies and plead the blood of Jesus over myself and my family in a time of repentance.

When I was done renouncing those movies though, I immediately started to think about a book series by Mercedes Lackey, that I had read in high school also. Although they were a fantasy book series, the Lord highlighted the strong homosexual content of the books and the spirit that was behind the writing. So I renounced agreement with the books and their message too. Going through the whole process of repentance and pleading the Blood of Jesus again.

After I had finished and I felt the Lord's peace come back in, I asked the Lord what that was all about. In my mind I heard a whisper, "those movies and books were witchcraft in your life," and I realized that they had been part of the door I had opened in high school that allowed the enemy access to my mind. Although the Lord had shut that door back in 2009, the Lord felt it was key for me to know the sources now, in 2012, and take an active role in rebuking their influence.

I don't know what was so strategic about 3am on October 25th, 2012, but what was accomplished in that 3am prayer session has reaped some unseen shift. I believe it whole-heartedly! The Lord never does anything by accident and He does all things in perfect timing.

One thing I do think He has shown me about the timing of this little prayer deliverance session is that He has been moving more in my life. Whenever the Lord starts to move in our lives in a greater way, He always comes in and starts cleaning out our closets. In 2009 He shoved a bunch of my junk in a closet perhaps and locked the door. So there was real freedom, but the junk was still there, just rendered powerless in so many ways. Now perhaps I will be going through a season of going item by item through that closet, acknowledging the junk and throwing it out piece by piece.

It is not something to fear, but to rejoice in. With less junk in my closets, the more I can walk in true freedom and authority in Christ. With less junk in my closets, the more room I have in my heart for Christ.

With these revelations of the power of movies and books too, I have re-strengthened my stance on what my family and I watch and read.  It is more for me though, because it is me that seems endlessly drawn to watching movies as a source of down time and entertainment.

Movies are not a good filler for down time, I am learning. If I am tired and wanting to space out, a movies should be my last choice. My guard is down when I am tired, and movies, all movies, carry subliminal messages, whether good or bad. When I am tired and not on my guard, I am taking that all in on so many levels. So many times, after watching even a 'tame' movie, my spirit feels dull. Sometimes for up to a few days afterwards I find that dullness makes it harder for me to hear the Lord's voice; to feel His love.

In this season of heightened Holy Spirit activity in my life, it is requiring me to be more on my guard, even against the 'tame' movies, because I don't want anything to get in the way of me receiving from the Lord. It is not out of a religious, legalistic position, it is because I don't want anything to come between me and the Lord. I'm not telling you what to do, because I know the Lord has His own timeline for your life. I am just sharing what He has been doing in mine, so as to encourage anyone who has experienced something similar.

So now, I will share with you my new strategy about movies.  When I'm too tired to read a book or talk to someone, and all I want to do is watch a movie, I typically just go to bed.  I feel like that choice has been paying off too! So thank you Lord, for Your help in overcoming my own temptations. I am seeing the results of a life set apart. Amen.